


Four Years!

by writersblock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Sabriel - Freeform, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 22:32:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3150737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writersblock/pseuds/writersblock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Age difference between Sammy and Gabriel where Gabriel pretends to not want Sam because he's not becoming a total creep for lusting after his best friend's little brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. There's No One Road

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt given to me! Let me know how you all like it. I'm debating on whether or not to continue it. c:

_"I'm a creep. I'm such a creep."_

That has become Gabriel's motto ever since he met his best friend's little brother. His name is Sam and everything about him was just yes. He's tall, smart, and when he laughs, God, Gabriel loses his mind. When they first met, Sam was 15 and annoying but in that awkward teen-dork sort of way. Endearing more than anything. But two years later provides Gabriel with a smart 17 year old puppy-dog cute teen. He isn't sure when it all changed but he doesn't like it.

He doesn't like it one bit.

You see, Gabriel is in his third year of undergraduate school getting his bachelor's degree in business management and culinary arts. He's double majoring for the benefit of starting his own little shop in uptown New York. He has already completed the majority of his start up plan- which is rare for a 21 year old still in college, but harboring natural skills takes people far in life if utilized correctly.

But none of that is an issue for him. The current cause of his sleepless nights, dozens of chocolate cookies, and stressed induced episodes were due to the fresh out of high school bright eyed and bushy-tailed teen standing right in front of him. Sam. _Sam_ is going to be the death of him.

Gabriel just knows it.

"Are you even listening?" Sam asks, going through the bowl of skittles, picking out all of the green and orange ones since they're his favorites. "I mean, you're just staring off into space again. Are you having an inner Gabriel montage or something?"

Gabriel still just watches and how unfair is it that Sam is smiling at him like that? So bright and inviting and he's doing that thing where his eyes squint because it's so fucking genuine. It makes him want to lean forward and kiss him. He definitely broke a mirror somewhere during his life time and maybe the planets were aligned just right because this string of bad luck was unheard of.

It is four years. _Just_ four years. They are just four years apart. 1,460 days apart- minus four since there were literally four days separating their birthdays. But in _best-friend_ years, this is like a 15 year difference. Surely Dean won't appreciate his best friend dating his baby brother. It just seemed wrong on every level.

"What?"

"I said are you listening to me." Sam repeats, rolling his eyes because it's pointless. Everything he's said has been ignored.

"What did you say?"

"It doesn't matter. Just answer my question."

"Which was?" Gabriel's hopeless because how does someone get so wrapped up in a person's eyes that he abandons all social etiquette which includes _actually_ listening?

"Right." He deadpans and runs long fingers through his hair. "Can I crash at your place this weekend? Dean's having some kind of nerd thing with Charlie and I need to study."

Gabriel raises a brow. "Four things: one, you really think you're less of a nerd than your brother? Lies, Sasquatch. Lies. Two, you do realize that you have a home, right? Aside from your brother's apartment. You know the one across town with papa and mama Winchester occupying it? Three, studying for what? Didn't you graduate high school two weeks ago? I'm pretty sure I was dragged to that six hour long ceremony. I remember sitting there dying because there was no food, Sammy. And lastly, of course you can crash. How heartless do you think I am?"

Sam replays his eye roll and stuffs a handful of the selected skittles into his mouth. "Dude, it's for placement tests for a few colleges I applied to. I want to place out of a few Gen-Eds. And it's in person, next Monday. Hence why I need quiet. Plus, my first choice is closer to your apartment. But thank you." He grins and throws a skittle at his friend. "I'll cook for you too. Just for good measure."

 _He cooks?_ Great. Just another reason to jump into his self-made ditch of friend betrayal and suffering. "Who am I to turn down food?"

"An idiot."

"Rhetorical question."

"Whatever."

* * *

Friday comes fast and Gabriel really isn't ready. He's _really_ not ready because maybe this isn't the first time Sam has stayed over, but it's definitely the first time he's stayed over _alone_. Dean is usually with them or Castiel when he's not in school. But this is getting out of hand.

Sam came bright and early. Ungodly hours but Gabriel's willing to get up at 7am to let the giant in. How hard could it be to fall back asleep?

* * *

_Very_ hard actually. Two hours in and Sam's in a loose fitting t-shirt and nice fitting boxers. How's that even fair? To make matters worse, the little— the tall asshole is making him breakfast while forcing Gabriel to read him the test problems. "What was wrong with this paragraph?" Gabriel inquires, watching as Sam flips the pancakes over.

"There was no comma unless you just randomly didn't pause for a moment. And the action verb was used incorrectly."

Gabriel stares at him. "I hate this. I already have a headache."

"Says the math genius." Sam teases.

"Say the mathlete." Gabriel counters.

"Touché."

"I like numbers Sammy. I'm a business major. I need to know how to manage my business financially."

"But a grammatically incorrect paragraph gives you ulcers?"

"Headaches."

"Same thing."

"That my dear boy, is anatomically incorrect." He closes the book and sets it on the counter off to the side. "The answer key says you're right though. Congrats, boy-king."

Sam flops the finished pancakes into the empty plates then starts on the eggs. "Any who, I think all I have left is math and history."

"You really don't need to study. You _know_ you have this in the bag. You're a smart kid."

"Better safe than sorry."

Gabriel just stares at him. "Yeah."

* * *

After breakfast, things get weird. Well, Gabriel gets weird. He's fidgety and staring and— and Sam is asleep with his head on Gabriel's lap. How? No one knows.

It's wrong. He shouldn't feel or think this way towards Sam because there are so many reasons why.

Cons:

_1\. This is Dean Winchester's little brother. Dean who could kill him._  
 _2\. Dean WOULD kill him._  
 _3\. Sam is 17 years old._  
 _4\. Gabriel is 21._  
 _5\. Four years!_

"Clearly I'm a creep."

Good reasons. But there are even more pros:

_1\. Sam is smart._  
 _2\. Sam is funny._  
 _3\. Sam has the cutest boyish smile alive._  
 _4\. Sam has those big puppy dog eyes._  
 _5\. Sam is tall._  
 _6\. Sam is the nicest person you'll ever meet._  
 _7\. Sam's laugh is beautiful._  
 _8\. Sam is beautiful._  
 _9\. This list could go on for weeks. Months even._  
 _10\. I'm a creep._

He really can't handle this. Where did he go wrong?

Gabriel snaps from his thoughts when Sam grumbles something under his breath and shifts on the couch. His hand is on Gabriel's hip and his face presses up against the older man's stomach.

Gabriel dies a little inside.

This was NOT how he pictures his Friday evening going.

_Not even close to it._


	2. There's Something About Sammy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As much as Gabriel wants to deny it, he can't. He's whipped and it's not even his fault. How could he have known that the annoying 15 year old Sam Winchester would turn in to this? You know, there's just something about Sammy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is 90% of Gabriel pining! I promise the next chapter will have more context!

Gabriel gets Sam up and off the couch. As much as he _didn't_ mind being a human pillow, sleeping on the couch was uncomfortable for everyone involved. He directs the half asleep Sammy to the guest room and as soon as he hears the bedroom door close softly, he maneuvers himself to his own bedroom and flops down onto the mattress. It was hard work trying to keep things platonic.

* * *

Saturday morning is slow, at least it is for Gabriel. He sleeps until noon (or maybe 2 o'clock, he doesn't know) and he vaguely remembers seeing Sam's face leaning over him saying something about going for a run. But really, who's paying attention to exercise talk at 6:30am? Gabriel isn't.

After snoring away his morning, he's stuffed from the breakfast that Sam found the time to make between running and studying. And even though it wasn't morning anymore, there really is never a bad time for breakfast. He isn't sure when it happens, but they are suddenly looking so domestic with one another. It kind of hurts in a way that Gabriel can't even comprehend. If any outsider were to witness their interacting, they'd mistake them for a couple.

It's suddenly too much for Gabriel to handle.

The rest of the day is spent going over the English material and just like he said yesterday morning, Sam has this in the bag. He hasn't gotten one question wrong yet.

* * *

The weekend goes by pretty fast and to Gabriel's satisfaction, he hasn't died. Still, he comes pretty close to his demise but apparently Sam's certified in CPR, so he could resuscitate him if that were to happen. Somehow three days turns into six and Gabriel really enjoys the company. It was his idea after all you know? Asking Sam to stay a little longer. For science, that's what he tells him to rationalize it and to ease his mind about Dean punching him in the face.

"Dude," Sam groans as he's leaning against the front of Gabriel's car, wiping his hand across his forehead. "Dean would disown you so fast if he saw the state of your car."

"Hey!" Gabriel pouts. "I don't have time to fawn over a vehicle." He was too busy fawning over someone that he TOTALLY wasn't currently gawking at— and someone he wasn't allowed to have. Yeah, he wasn't doing that. "It's not that bad, so stop making me feel like crap."

Sam scoffs. "When's the last time you've even gotten an oil change?"

Gabriel folds his arms across his chest and tilts his head slightly to the side. "Um," he raises a brow, trying to think back. "Maybe a few weeks... _or_ two years ago."

Sam stands up straight and stares over at Gabriel like he just murdered someone or something. "Idiot. How is your car even running? Geez."

Gabriel wants to be insulted- he really, _really_ does, but how can he? Sam is fucking dressed in his stupid dark blue jeans and a stupid sleeveless tank. Oh, and there are stupid smudges everywhere. On his arms, his shoulders, his forehead, and his cheeks. For fuck's sakes, there are smudges on his tank too. Sam is lean, but he's built nicely too. Muscles in the right places, slim in the right ways. Gabriel loves it and he has to look away before he gets himself in trouble. "I know."

Sam shakes his head and wipes his hands on his shirt before he moves over to Gabriel. He steps into his space and smiles warmly down at him. "Give it to me."

Gabriel's eyes widen and his throat is suddenly _very_ dry. Sam smells like some kind of nature body wash and car smells. Why that's erotic to Gabriel is beyond him. "Uh, excuse me?" Yeah, act innocent. His mind totally wasn't in the depths of the gutter just seconds ago. "Give you what, Sasquatch?"

Sam blinks and pushes loose strands of his hair behind his ear. "The papers from your last visit to any car place."

"Right."

"Yeah."

* * *

There's a lot of work that needed to be done, but Sam finishes it while Gabriel watches from the sideline. Gabriel is counting his lucky stars that Dean taught his little brother everything he knows. He has no idea what's going on, why that tool is used for this, and why that cap is for that. He never was a car guy, more of a food guy. In his mind he was more inclined to feed himself rather than functional transportation.

Sam's in the shower while Gabriel's on the phone with Dean. And he's totally fine. He's thinking about non best friend's little brother things.

 _I'm not lusting after your brother_.

That's running through his head constantly and he's losing his mind. "Sam's here." He reveals.

"I figured. Mom called asking because he hadn't been there since last Monday. I told her he's fine and probably eating you out of house and home." He laughs because Sam should have known their mother would freak out. "What's the nerd up to?"

"You Winchester boys kill me with this act of throwing each other under the nerd bus."

Dean scoffs but he knows it's true. "I like to think of it as brotherly love."

"Yeah, sure. He's in the shower now. I'm using him as manual labor today. I'm sure I'm getting dinner next."

"Don't kill my brother. He's the only one I have." Dean jokes.

"Don't threaten me for pie anymore. Deal?"

"I can't make any promises. So partially a deal."

"Of course you can't, but I accept."

"It's nice doing business with you, Novak"

"Likewise, Winchester."

* * *

Dinner is over faster than Gabriel even realizes but he's gotten himself roped into study-buddy part two and he was sure that Sam was done with this all. "Wasn't your tests this morning?"

"Yeah, the English one was. History and math are tomorrow. So let's work on history since it's the first thing in the morning."

Gabriel nods and their sessions starts.

Gabriel isn't the most observant person but when it comes to Sam, it's a different story. Sam is naturally smart. At least that's how Gabriel sees it. As much as he would like to hate it and call it annoying, he really likes it. He likes when Sam tells him some random fact about the weather, or the death of a former president. He loves when he nerds out over physics and chemistry or just the little things. He absolutely loves it all.

He convinces himself that he's some sort of pedophile or creepy stalker except he really isn't. He's just head over heels for someone he pretty much will never have. The fact that age plays a role in his hesitation- that honestly isn't the biggest elephant in the room. Dean Winchester is. He and Dean have been friends since they first met their freshman year of college. Of course their friendship starts from Dean threatening to break his nose if he didn't stop shaking the table, but that was beside the point. They just clicked.

He couldn't betray that friendship by shadily dating Dean's little brother. But the fact that he's sure that Dean wouldn't react that way isn't enough. He would rather not risk it. He likes his face exactly the way that it currently is. Gabriel tries to think that if the situation was reversed that he wouldn't care if Dean wanted to date Castiel, but he knew he would still be protective because it's his baby brother.

This is Dean's baby brother. It would never work.

 _Never_.

"Alright. Let's do this."

He starts from the second page of the booklet and starts reading off questions about certain time periods and requesting dates.

Just as he expects, Sam gets every single one right.

There was no doubt about it.


	3. There's Only You To Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel continues to pine but underneath it all, he's starting to fully understand what he's gotten himself into. There's only himself to blame, really. He's really in love with Sam Winchester.

This is obviously some kind of cruel sick joke that the world has decided to play specifically on him. Gabriel isn't stupid; he likes to think that he's pretty intelligent. He's the top student in two of his courses, and second top in the others. And he has been on the Dean's list for all three years that he's been in college. But yet he's crying conspiracy via government agencies because he's _alone_ yet again with his number one distraction. Yes, because the FBI and CIA and whoever else he could think of, decided that today they would take some time out of their day because Gabriel Novak needed to spend more alone time with his unobtainable crush.

That makes sense.

He looks around the coffee shop and what does he see? No one, that's who. No one except himself and Sam. That only fueled his conspiracy theory. He and Sam are crammed in the booth towards the back by a large window. The same booth they always seem to take. Gabriel's against the wall with a smiling Sammy crowded up _close_ against him. He hates it.

But actually he really loves it.

Gabriel just stares at Sam out of the corner of his eyes. He logically thinks of all the ways that he could kiss this guy and he's not even creeped out by that thought. Maybe start at the cheek first then ghost his way down until he reaches his final destination. One thought leads to another and he starts to wonder how soft Sam's lips even are. He imagines they're like silk or honey, you know? Smooth and warm with a lingering taste of satisfaction. _Just_ like that.

Gabriel suddenly groans under his breath with a silent, " _fuck_ " that draws Sam's attention to him.

"I'm so worried about you, Gabe." Sam says, sipping his tea quietly. "You've been over there grumbling and swearing for like five minutes. I know Dean's late but geez, be calm."

Gabriel just stares down at the table like it's the most fascinating thing in the world but he just doesn't trust himself to face Sam at the moment. "How sweet, but I'm fine, Mama Sam."

"Ha-ha, very funny."

Gabriel laughs and thanks the heavens when Dean walks through the door. He adores Sam and all, but the idea of pulling him close and kissing him breathless was getting a little too realistic for him.

"Sorry I'm late, mom wanted to send me with everything except the kitchen sink. Apparently in mother-language if you skip lunch you automatically are starving and need a trunk load of food. I'm not even exaggerating." Once he sits he tosses a book towards Sam and smirks. "Here, loser. Mom said that you asked for this."

Sam smiles softly and flips through the book until he finds the page that Mary marked specifically for him. "Thanks." He would call their mother later to say thank you to her personally.

Gabriel eyes the book and raises a brow when he sees pictures of food. "A cook book?"

"Mom's cookbook that she made-"

"That grandma made and mom added to." Dean chimes in.

Sam nods. "I'm making you something tomorrow, Gabe. Well tonight." That was his way of inviting himself to spend another night with Gabriel.

Dean doesn't even question it because this is what he thinks is normal. Those two are definitely a couple in his eyes.

Gabriel drops his head to the table and groans. He loves Sam Winchester. _He groans louder_.

* * *

It is ten o'clock at night and Sam is in his kitchen still, rustling around in the cabinets and humming _Stairway To Heaven._ Gabriel accepts that he's royally screwed. He accepts that this is his life now. "So, are you going to tell me what you're making, Samsquatch? Or you know, why you're making me something?"

Sam just laughs— like _really_ laughs and Gabriel's starting to think that he said something gut-wrenching funny but he's pretty sure that he hasn't. "What?"

Sam just keeps laughing and then returns to humming Led Zeppelin's song. Thoroughly ignoring him.

Rude.

Gabriel wants to peek and just see what the younger Winchester is doing but he can't bear the image of Sam in his kitchen cooking. Not again. Breakfast earlier that morning almost killed him when he witnessed it. "How about a hint? Maybe?"

"Something you'll like. So shut up and just look pretty."

"Don't objectify me, Sammy." He scoffs. "What would your mother think?"

"Okay. Shut up and just be smart."

"I'll do both, thank you very much."

"Such a talented man. I love it."

Gabriel dies a little. Pretty soon he's going to run out and die completely.

* * *

When he's staring at a huge pot of garlic and herb tomato basil pasta, he wants to cry. He was just telling Sam about how he wanted this and look, it was here. _Because of Sam_.

Yeah, Gabriel could have made it himself considering that he's majoring in culinary arts but as someone who cooks all the time, he finds great pleasure in having someone else cook for him. Which explains why he threw a loaf of bread at Sam. "You wonderful asshole. I could kiss you right now."

 _I should kiss you_.

I _need_ to kiss you.

* * *

A week has passed and Sam is gone. He's returned to his brother's apartment or home? He's not really sure but that's fine. He sort of counts that as a blessing since he was getting too used to that closeness. That was an attachment that he couldn't afford to humor.

But at the same time, Sam is literally _everywhere_ in his apartment. He can smell him in the living room. That damn nature body wash scent is practically woven into the fabrics of his couch. His bed smells suspiciously like him too which is weird because Sam has never slept in there...or maybe he did he's not entirely really sure.

The hallway bathroom has one of Sam's shirts draped over the towel rack and he knows that's from when he spent that first night there. He said that he was going to change into his pajamas but ended up falling asleep shirtless on the couch.

Gabriel stops as he's halfway to his bedroom because he's realizing so much that he's been trying to push down and bury with wit and sarcastic jokes.

"I love him." He shakes his head and looks down at his feet.

"I am _in_ love with him."

There's a difference.

There's loving someone, and there's that longing feeling of breathlessness and pain that shoots through your body. There's loving someone, and there's needing to constantly be close, to touch, to kiss, and to completely lose yourself in another person. There's loving someone and there's wanting and needing this person on your mind every single minute of the day.

There's loving someone, and there's Gabriel willing to give his soul and his everything to be with Sam.

_There's a difference._

* * *

A few days pass and there's a hard knock at his door. Then two more and he's not sure that he wants to get up but then he hears an excited Sammy shouting at him and he's jumping from his bed like there's a fire. Metaphorically there is. His chest is set ablaze and his body is melting because just the thought of Sam being near is enough to ignite him. When he opens the door he smiles and he's suddenly being engulfed by a warm body.

"Sammy?" He whispers curiously.

"I passed all the tests. Thanks to you."

Gabriel just melts into the embrace. "All I did was complain during it."

"You did more than that, Gabe. You did more than that."

After he invites Sam in so his neighbors don't find out that he's lusting after a seventeen year old, they both end up in his bed but _not_ in the way that Gabriel dreams about. It's 6:45am so they fall back asleep. Well, Sam sleeps and Gabriel remembers why his bed smells like Sam. Those first few nights that the younger Winchester stayed the night, Sam had wandered into his bedroom in the middle of the night and crawled into bed with him. He still had no clue why but it just had to be a Winchester thing.

Sam was still a child technically. Hell, Gabriel still felt like a child.

No, it was definitely a _Winchester thing_.


	4. Sammy, Oh Sammy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't always stay as great as you would like them to be. And sometimes you have to get stabbed in the heart a few times to realize that. And Gabriel gets to experience that first hand even though he'd rather not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for the feels! I also apologize for if this moved way too fast!

Things go like this from now on. Sam never sleeps in the guest room when he stays over and Gabriel is royally torn about that. He likes having Sam close at night because it has so many perks. Sam is a cuddler, he likes to touch and nuzzle, and to be as close as one can get while sharing a bed. Sam seeks heat so they always end up tangled with one another each morning.

But this is sort of manageable because this is what Gabriel wants. He wants Sam close but he feels guilty. He feels selfish for letting things like this continue to happen but not letting Sam know what the issue is because of it. This is so bad because for someone who is trying so hard to keep his distance from Sam, he is failing and doing the complete opposite of maintaining a safe distance from his best friends little brother.

With Sam snug up behind him, chest pressing against Gabriel's back, and his stupidly cute face buried against Gabriel's neck is not a safe distance. But how can he refuse any of it? Sam throwing an arm around his waist and whispering about _how warm Gabriel is_ and _how much he likes this_ is what's got this man on a teetering scale of conflict.

It's also what keeps him up the entire night with wavering thoughts about just going for it and right before he does fall asleep, he left off with going for it. But that's always subject to change.

He loves Sam but at what costs would it be to have him?

To really have him.

* * *

The next morning Gabriel wakes up with a light tingling sensation traveling through his body and he's not sure why but he really likes it. So he doesn't question it. But when he moans, that's what startles him. His own moan jolts him awake but he can't move. His eyes slip open and all he can see is darkness because apparently it's storming and Sam hasn't budged. Not even a little bit. That's unusual considering the kid is always up at the crack of dawn.

But this is not the case.

Sam is draped over him but in a somewhat awkward position. Sam's thigh is wedged between Gabriel's legs and his face is flush against the man's neck. His hand is cupping a hip but slightly tucked into Gabriel's boxers and it's just not a great position for the older man who's trying to get his life together.

Gabriel is hard and he can't change that. He even tried to think about something not appealing but not even the promise of Dean breaking his face and other bones into a million pieces can steer him away from the X-rated thoughts that were swarming his mind at the moment.

So he shifts and that's a bad idea because he's practically rubbing up against Sam's thigh and that feels too good and he wants to do it again but he forces himself to keep still. Instead, he brings his one free hand up and threads it through Sam's hair before shoving at him gently.

"Sam," he breaths out shakily, ignoring the hand that is barely- but uncomfortably in his boxers. "Get up. Please. Seriously." He pleads, shaking him again and trying to wiggle free but that just causes more friction and he's going to embarrass himself quickly if he doesn't stop moving. Mornings are always easily turned into solo hand jobs for him but even more so since he went to bed with inappropriate thoughts about Sam. So this isn't a good place to be. It’s never a good place to be.

"Sam!" He shouts.

Sam jumps and his knee rubs hard against Gabriel's crotch as he comes down from his startled state.

The same can't be said for Gabriel. Instead he yelps and moans as he throws his head back against the bed. He hates himself. He _really_ hates himself.

Sam is too out of it to realize what happening but he does roll away and let's Gabriel free before dropping onto his stomach and just falling back to sleep as if he didn't just almost get Gabriel off. Regardless of that though, this is Gabriel's chance to flee. And he does.

And he hates Sam too.

 _But not really_.

He jerks off in the shower because luckily he didn't come when Sam was— well, sleeping. But once he's out, he goes and lays on the couch. He can't handle a repeat of that.

His peace doesn't last much longer than an hour because Sam comes wandering out of the room around 9am and he's only wearing those fucking little black boxers. You know, the ones that doesn't even come down to the middle of Sam's thighs. The ones that hang lowly on his hips. THE ONES that make Gabriel feel like he's watching porn in a public library with no headphones on. Yeah, those.

"Good morning, Gabe." Sam murmurs and just drops down onto the couch and promptly leans against the man's legs.

Gabriel just stares at his television and he just now realizes that it's been off this entire time. "Morning, Sammy. Sleep well?"

Sam nods. "Great. You?"

Gabriel laughs softly. "No. Not at all."

* * *

Another month goes by and something changes. A lot changes actually. For one, school has started- well sort of. The summer courses have started at Sam's university and the brainiac decides that he wants to take his remainder general education courses like biology, psychology, and sociology. Since he knocked out his math, history, and English courses by placing out, he doesn't have much left before he can start on his undergraduate degree for his major.

But that's not what changes. What changes is that Sam doesn't stay over anymore, he's barely even at Dean's place and that says a lot too. In addition to that, he hasn't seen Sam in a week and that has him feeling several type of ways. Angry, sad, frustrated, and confused. Yet he feels this is what's best. He needed distance and now Gabriel is getting it.

Another week passes and he ends up meeting with Dean and Sam for lunch. And that was fine considering he only saw Sam once or twice during this week. It would be great to see that smiling face of his again.

After everyone arrives they order and for a split second things seem back to normal and it's great. He misses this. But that feeling is fleeting and before Gabriel can even properly register what's going on, he sees some girl leaning down and kissing Sam on the lips. Suddenly, he really doesn't have much of an appetite anymore.

Suddenly, he can't breathe.

Suddenly, he wants to die.

She's about Gabriel’s height, brunette, big blue eyes, and long hair that stops just a little past her collar bone. She's slim, cute- gorgeous and Gabriel realizes that of all the things he's thought about when it comes to himself and Sam, none of those thoughts wondered about if Sam was even interested in guys.

He's a little crushed because he can't compete with this girl. She's clearly the reason Sam has been so absent and sees why. She's beautiful, and has to be smart because Sam probably went for the smart type. Oh, and funny, he bet she is funny too. She probably even eats the gross healthy crap that Sam likes too or something close to that. But you know, Sam deserves that, Gabriel knows that for a fact. Sam deserves someone smart, beautiful, and funny. 

"Gabe?"

That's when Gabriel realizes that he's just been sitting there this entire time...staring. "Um, yeah?" He replies but his voice cracks and his throat is dry and his eyes are starting to burn. "S...sorry. Um, what did you say?" He clears his throat and his eyes only feel worse.

"This is Julie." Sam says.

Gabriel is quiet but he smiles regardless. He's happy for Sam but its bitter sweet.

"Gabe?" Dean speaks up this time.

Gabriel is still quiet but he feels a wet drop hit the back of his hand that’s resting in his lap. Shit. "Julie, yes, hi. It's nice to meet you." He blinks a few times before looking up at the girl. He smiles again but it's painful this time.

Dean just stares at his friend because he knows something is wrong. "Dude-"

"I'm fine!" Gabriel shouts back before Dean can even ask. "My eyes really hurt." He confesses as he rubs at his aching eyes.

Dean blinks. "Allergies, maybe?"

Gabriel shrugs. "Probably." _It's not._ "Has to be." _It's not._

Sam tilts his head some, "you need some Benadryl?" he asks as he scoots over so Julie can sit down.

Gabriel can't do this. He wants to— he REALLY wants to. He wants to be happy for Sam and just show that support. But he can't. He can't _right now_. "Julie, it was nice to meet you. Sorry to have to split so suddenly, but I'm on the verge of pulling my eyeballs out." He laughs softly but it's broken. It’s sad.

Julie just smiles and waves a hand. "Don't sweat it. It's that time of year where allergies flare. Plus, I feel like I practically know you already. Sam talks about you all the time. I was convinced he was dating you and not me." She laughs jokingly but it stings Gabriel hard.

Gabriel almost scoffs at that because it's funny. It’s really funny because he's never heard a damn thing about her. Not once. A heads up would have been nice though. "We should all get together again and hang out when you know, I’m not dying via allergies."

Julie nods. "Of course. I hope you feel better. It was lovely to meet you as well."

"Alright, see you guys later." Gabriel stands and grabs his jacket. He takes the time to slip it on because he doesn’t want to just rush out like that. It would be suspicious, right? But once he was covered, he reached into his back pocket for his wallet and leaves money for his food that he ordered just moments ago.

And with that, he’s gone. Not even once looking back.

As soon as he slides into the driver’s seat of his car, he unravels. His eyes are burning again—watering, dripping. His fingers are clutching at the steering wheel and he’s forgotten how to breathe. His chest is tight, aching like someone just punched him several times- repeatedly in the same spot.

He's crying.

Gabriel’s crying and he honestly doesn't know how to stop.


	5. Move Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel isn't coping well and okay, he feels like he doesn't have the right to be upset. But that's easier said than done. He doesn't want to be that person sulking over something that wasn't going to happen either way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Low and behold, I finally updated and I clearly was so in my feelings with this because obviously I like to make Gabriel suffer. On the bright side, I've already started on chapter six so you won't have to wait long for an update!

"Oh come on, don't pull this shy crap on me now." Gabriel hisses. Because this isn't what he's used to. "I mean, you're always flaunting your Winchester genes in my face, so stop it. No shyness now kiddo."

Sam just drops his hands from covering his eyes and stares up at Gabriel who's staring right back at him. Gabriel's straddling Sam's hips and suspiciously unbuttoning his shirt with such a toothy grin. "Shut up. I can't help it. It's just...it's...my heart beats so fast when I think about this...you. This with you. I can hardly breathe."

Gabriel grins. "You're such an seventeen year old."

Sam smiles. "That's because I am." He replies as he pushes up onto his elbows to inch his way closer to Gabriel.

"Barely seventeen." He adds on while running curious fingers over Sam's now exposed torso. "Literally, you're just a puppy." Those hands are suddenly stopping, fingertips brushing over Sam's collarbones.

"Then stop betraying my brother."

"What?" Gabriel asks, eyes wide and everything somehow a blur. He's not sure when, but the atmosphere changed and oh, is this a dream?

"You heard me. Stop betraying Dean by doing this with me."

"What?!"

"Gabriel!"

"WHAT?!" He jolts up, clearly in the wrong way because he hits the floor hard and lands right in front of Dean. "God, what do you want? I'm sure it's ass-o'clock in the morning."

"Actually it's 4:30pm in the evening and we all thought you were dead. Not answering your phone or your texts, didn't show up at your job today. Really worried about you, asshole."

Gabriel groans, rolling onto his back to stare up at Dean. Really, it's not like he's been trying to worry everyone on purpose because that's the last thing he wants. But he also doesn't want to be around anyone so that causes an issue. A nice six foot four issue. "Yeah, sorry. I guess I've been really tired. I'm good. And I called off from work today. Needed some sleep, man."

"You don't look good. Do we need to do another intervention like we did when you were addicted to bonbons? Because we will."

"Oh my god."

"I'm serious."

"Alright, Dean-O. I said I'm good, seriously. I'm serious. I feel great...just needed to catch up on all of those lost Z's I've been missing. And would you look at that, I found those lost Z's. Well rested now."

Dean narrows his eyes and of course he doesn't believe him, but what else can he do right now? Pestering wasn't working. "Fine."

"We done here?"

"Yeah, for now."

"Good." He smiles and expectantly looks at Dean who gets the hint and leaves. But Gabriel has a feeling this isn't the last of this conversation.

* * *

Gabriel's torn as he stands at the counter at work. He's making lattes for a group of girls but he's not focused. His mind is racing and his love life is in shambles. He's in love with Sam and he's come to terms with that. But he's not okay with this...this new girlfriend Julie. It's one thing when he's pining for a seventeen year who is his best friend's little brother that was _single._ But it is entirely different when it's his best friend's little seventeen year old brother who's dating a really nice girl.

She's so painfully nice. That's the worst part. She's sweet, caring, and engaging. She's the kind of girl that everyone likes. The type who volunteers and kisses babies at rallies. She seems so selfless and perfect. She's perfect for Sam and Gabriel believes that more than anything.

It sucks.

He sucks.

* * *

Maybe he really did break a mirror and as punishment, he's cursed with years of bad luck. Because that's how he feels.

It's raining- pouring actually. Like Mother Nature specifically decided that New York needed to drown and just said, 'fuck you specific area that Gabriel is in with a broken down car'. It was really not his day.

He wasn't far from home but it's raining and he can barely see two feet in front of him. He calls Dean but remembers that his phone is off because he's currently out of town. But that means that Sam probably has Dean's car. But that also means that Gabriel has to talk to him.

And suddenly walking in the rain doesn't seem that bad.

"Gabriel?"

He freezes because as much as he hates it, that voice sounds so familiar. He's memorized it because for some odd reason, he memorized the person who's dating the person he loves.

"Julie right?" Of course he knows her name. He knows more about her than he wants to know.

"Yes! I knew that was you. Headed home?"

"Yeah, my shift just ended. Then it decided to recreate 40 days and 40 nights for Noah."

Julie smiles, laughing softly as she holds out her umbrella to Gabriel. "Here. I have a raincoat on, I don't need it."

God he wants to hate her. Why is she so nice? He wonders if this makes him an awful human being for trying to find a reason to hate her. You know, a legit reason that doesn't have anything to do with the fact that she's dating Sam. "Ah, thanks." He takes the umbrella and smiles. Falsely smiles because it'll never be real with her. Deep down his mind is made up. She's pure evil. Even if she isn't.

* * *

Gabriel tries to think back to when he had his first crush. He recalls it was in third grade and that girl Kali gave him her fruit snacks after he realized he had eaten all of his. He remembers how it feels. How it feels like nothing can go wrong or nothing can hurt you. How everything is so light and carefree and fruit snacks are shared. But this is nothing like that now. So this isn't a crush. He's not just crushing on Sam because it physically aches to think about another person being with him.

"So uh, thanks again. I'm not as soaked as I would be." He laughs and it sounds so...so empty.

"It's not a problem. It's the least I can do since I'm basically taking away all of your friend's time." She smiles softly and pats Gabriel on the shoulder. "He told me that he barely sees you anymore. He thinks he did something wrong because you never hang out with us. He misses you."

 _Us_? When did this become an ' _us_ ' Gabriel wonders.

"What?" He laughs again and he didn't think it was possible for it to sound emptier than before. But it does. "No, it's nothing like that. It's just...well school started and I'm working on presentations and then I have work. I just uh, don't have much time for socializing. Tell him to relax. I'm not mad at him or anything. Just busy." Just painfully busy with trying to pretend that he doesn't love this kid.

"You should tell him yourself. He'd like that."

Gabriel smiles but that probably won't happen any time soon. "Yeah."

* * *

It doesn't help at all. Running into Julie the night before doesn't help one damn bit. He figures running into her and getting a chance to talk would make this better but after their ten minute walk together in the rain, it's just left him even more lost than he originally was.

Which explains why he did the last thing he should have done on a Friday night. Gabriel isn't a drinker. Yes he has a few beers here and there with Dean when they hang out. But other than that, he's not an alcohol kind of guy. But tonight he is and someone had to ruin it by calling someone to pick him up.

Damn bartender who happens to be a mutual friend.

"You're so wasted."

"'M fine. I can walk. Jus lemme go, Sammy." Gabriel hiccups then stumbles until he bumps into a stool.

Sam sighs and just nods to their friend behind the bar and goes, "thanks for calling me." With a nod back, he does what any fit six foot four person would do when their friend is super light. He leans down and literally throws Gabriel over his shoulder and carries him out to the car.

"Stop! 'M fine and I don need you whiskin' me off to wherever...gah you're so stupid. Put me down! I can walk home..."

Sam ignores the demands and doesn't set him down until they're at the Impala.

Gabriel attempts to protest but Sam is forcing him into the car and buckling him in and that's when it happens.

"Wah don' you see me, Sammy? Wah don' you see me like you see Julie...?" And that's the last comment he makes before passing out in the passenger's seat.


	6. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunken confessions never really go as smoothly as one would like, but what else would you expect to happen? Gabriel's drowning and he's not exactly sure how to handle the upcoming situations that flooded his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at it again with the painful feels! The next chapter will be in Sam's POV because it's definitely needed! c:

That promise to meet up and explain things to Sam never happens. Why would it? Just the thought of sitting in the same room with the girl who caught and kept Sam's affection is torture enough. But he knows it's wrong, he can't hate this girl. She's nice, really nice and Dean always tells him about her when they hang out.

Gabriel wants things to be normal but it's easier said than done when he thinks about it. Sam reaches out to him but Gabriel shoots him down. He shoots him down every single time. There's always an excuse about why he can't make it.

_'Sorry, kiddo. Busy day today.'_

_'Not today, some other time.'_

_'You know, I'm not feeling too good today. Raincheck?'_

It's always something. And this is normal for them now.

It isn't like Gabriel doesn't want to spend time with Sam— because he does. It's just the fact that he's in love with someone who's with another person. He feels like it's selfish to do this to him but who can blame him for feeling this way?

It's only natural.

This is how he ends up like this: in the passenger's seat of Dean's Impala with Sam just standing there with wide eyes. Those stupid wide puppy dog eyes.

Gabriel's too drunk to realize that he really just fucked up and that he should never drink again, but Sam is seeing everything as clear as day.

"What?" Sam mutters because he's still trying to process what he's hearing.

Gabriel laughs and just slumps down into the seat. "I jus' wanna...wanna go home and sleep. Mmkay?"

Sam doesn't move because he wants to confirm that what he just heard was accurate. "No Gabe. You can't sleep. Not yet. You need to talk to me."

Gabriel huffs this time and practically rolls until he's facing the steering wheel. "Dun wanna talk to you. Take me home or lemme walk, gigantor."

It's hopeless and Sam wants to chalk it up to his friend being drunk.

Yeah, that has to be it.

But he has this feeling that it's more than that.

* * *

 

A few days pass and Gabriel doesn't remember at least two of those days. Sam has finally stopped texting him about, _'needing to talk'_ but instead shows up knocking for what seems like forever but Gabriel doesn't budge. Why should he? He's supposed to be suppressing his feelings for this boy. Not discussing them. Forward steps, not twenty backwards!

Well, that's what he keeps telling himself.

His plan works for a while. Avoid the person of his affections to force yourself to forget. But it's always the nights where he can't sleep when it all comes crashing back down like a boost in gravity is bringing down everything that shouldn't be in the sky.

That's when he gets the urge to confess everything by throwing caution to the wind, but he thinks of the repercussions of such a confession and he forces himself to think about school and eventually falls asleep.

Until one night, there's a noise. Soft footsteps and then his door is slowly creeping open. He's sure he hears his name softly being called so there's no need to panic. That is until he's suddenly engulfed by a warm body draping over his. There's soft hair tickling his nose and a face buried against his chest and by habit he reaches up and runs his fingers through those oh so familiar locks.

It's Sam and Gabriel isn't coherent enough to even question how he got into his apartment. Or you know, WHY he is in his apartment. But he figures he got the spare key from Dean and let himself in since you know, Gabriel has been avoiding Sam like the bubonic plague.

 _"I...with Julie."_ Sam mutters against Gabriel's chest.

Gabriel frowns because he only hears three of the words from that sentence so he forces himself to finally speak. "Huh?"

Sam lifts his head some and just rests his cheek against his friend's chest. "I said I broke up with Julie."

Gabriel remains silent because is he supposed to feel happy about that? He feels like he should because isn't this what he wants? Julie out of the picture? Sadly though, he isn't feeling anything close to that. Sam is sad so nothing feels right. "...I'm sorry, kiddo. You okay?"

Sam shakes his head. He's far from okay.

"What can I do?"

"Just...this. Just this."

They fall asleep like that, tangled and nestled together under the blankets. And surprise, surprise, Gabriel gets the best sleep he's had in weeks.

* * *

 

Gabriel wakes up first but isn't moving because he can still feel Sam latched on to him just like he was before they fell asleep. He's feeling uneasy because he remembers. He remembers everything from that drunken night and wonders if that's why Julie and Sam are no longer an item. Did Sam end things on his account? He sure hopes Sam didn't.

But just as fast as he thinks about that, he changes his mind. He doesn't want to know. He's fine with pretending that he never confessed anything to Sam.

When has that ever not worked?

Fake it until you make it.

* * *

 

A few hours fly by and Gabriel just lays there, staring blankly at the ceiling. Then he feels Sam shuffling around and he's on edge now because does this mean they have to talk about everything? He's not ready but does he really have a choice? He is basically trapped underneath this kid.

"Morning, kiddo."

Sam grumbles something and rolls off of his friend and buries his face into Gabriel's pillow.

"Want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

Gabriel frowns because he's starting to think that maybe he imagined all. "Um—"

"Not really."

Gabriel is thoroughly confused now.

"I mean, kind of. I really liked her but then..."

"But what?"

"Nothing."

"Oh come on, spill it, kid. You can't shut down now. You've already said too much. So keep going. I'm all ears." He wonders why he's pushing this because deep down he doesn't want to hear any of it. He wants Sam to leave and he wants to pretend that none of this ever happened. But it all happened and there is no going back. No matter how hard he wishes he could.

Sam sighs and pushes up from the bed. He looks uneasy and that makes Gabriel nervous. "But then you said something."

"What?" Gabriel questions, sitting up on his elbows. He's playing dumb but he knows, he know EXACTLY what Sam is talking about. "What did I say?" Maybe he wants clarification. Maybe he wants to make sure Sam is on the same page as him. Maybe he just wants to hear it come from Sam's mouth to see if it makes any more sense coming from him. The kid really did have a way with words.

" _'_ why _don't you see me like you see Julie?'_."

Gabriel is a lost cause now. He wants to feel like this is progress because Sam wouldn't break up with his girlfriend if he didn't feel the same. Right? But at the same time, Sam is seventeen and as much as he doesn't want to use his young age against him, he's about to. "I was drunk. Don't tell me you broke up with her because I said something stupid while insanely intoxicated. She made you happy Sam."

"You make me happier."

Gabriel freezes because that hurts. It hurts so much because this is everything he's ever wanted but he shouldn't get it like this. Not this way. "You're just confused, Sam. You're young, you don't know what you want yet. You're barely out of high school. This is just one of those flavors of the week type deals. I'm nothing special. Just plain 'ol Gabriel."

"Don't patronize me. You're four years older than me, not ten. So shut up. Just because I'm seventeen doesn't mean anything. I know what I'm doing and I know what—who I want."

"You don't." Gabriel spits out. He'd love to believe that this is what Sam wants— that he's WHO Sam wants. It's just hard because why now? Has Sam been feeling the exact same struggle over this past year or is this just something new that he _thinks_ he wants? Gabriel just isn't sure.

"Stop that!"

He can't do this. He can't be the reason Sam wakes up one day regretting that he broke up with Julie. The one thing he'd hate more than not being able to be with Sam is becoming Sam's regret. "She's good for you. Go call her and tell her you made a mistake via teenage hormones. Go before it's too late."

"It's already too late, Gabe."

"It's not."

"It is."

"Sam, it's not—"

"It is! I told her that I could never love her because it'd never be...because she'd never be y—"

"Nope. Don't finish that sentence. Shut your stupid mouth." He scoots to the edge of the bed now and quite frankly wants to die. This is what he wanted— WHO he wanted yet here he is, running away because he doesn't want to be a rebound or a regret. He just wants...well he doesn't know what he wants anymore. "Go home, Sam." That's all he can say because where does one go from here? He spent so much time wondering what it would be like to have Sam returning his feelings yet now that it's happening, it doesn't feel like what he imagined.

It feels ten times better because all he can really think about is that this person right here possibly loves him and it makes his heart flutter and his chest ache all at the same unbearable time. It's bittersweet really. It's a mutual feeling and now that something's happening, he's not even worried about Dean hating him or disfiguring his face for wanting his little brother. He's more concerned about what this will do to Sam.

Gabriel wonders that if this wasn't happening because of the difficult circumstance that involved Julie, would it even actually be happening right now. Would Sam feel this way if Julie was never in the picture? Or was this some spur of the moment change of mind because Sam just happened to hear his drunken confession of love one night? That's the difficult part of this and there's really no easy or clear way to deal with it.

But was there ever an easy way to approach this?

Gabriel doesn't think so. Gabe knows for sure there isn't. That's the only reason why he avoided this situation for so long.

"Gabriel..." Sam finally murmurs. The silence was too long and someone needed to say something.

"Get out."

"But Gabe—"

"Now, Sam. Just get out." He hates himself for this but he just can't take any chances with this. He can't take any chances with Sam. There's only friendship for them because he can only picture this ending badly. "When I get out of the shower you better be gone." He'd rather have him a friend than for this to blow up in both of their faces.

Sam just sits there, watching Gabriel gather clothes and make his way into the bathroom. This didn't turn out like he imagined it would.

Gabriel doesn't think this could get any worse but it did. He's feeling something but not exactly sure what. Sam's gone and there's no turning back now because he refuses to send mix messages. He convinces himself that this is the way that it should be. Sam hopefully getting back with Julie and Gabriel pretending that he isn't in love with Sam.

He knows this is ridiculous because he could have accepted Sam's feelings and moved forward from there. But in his mind, it was a fluke and Sam is confused. For some odd reason though, Gabriel is stuck in this self-loathing state assuming that Sam's too good for him. Gabriel always figured that people that look like Sam didn't date people that look like him. But he's so wrong. His entire view on this is wrong.

But this is how things are supposed to be. Sam was never meant to hear his confession and he definitely was never meant to feel the same way. It's always just a feeling and a dream and right now, Gabriel is content with that if that means that Sam can move on and continue being happy. Even if him being happy means being happy with another person.

Another person that's not him.

* * *

 

When Gabriel gets out of the shower, Sam's gone. He's half shocked and half disappointed all at once. Some part of him wanted Sam to still be there but the rest of him knew this was for the best.

It wasn't meant to be.

And he could live with that.

Right?


End file.
